I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
