She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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