You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
