Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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