Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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