She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
