I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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