Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
