Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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