party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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