Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
