mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
