I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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