I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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