My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize