there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
