he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
