I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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