this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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