I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
