I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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