Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it's great music for shaving your balls
We are two peas in an std pod
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
