Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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