my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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