so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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