I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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