I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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