he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
it's like heaven, but drunker
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize