So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
