It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
