Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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