im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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