Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
