can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
