Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
