some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
