Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
