I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize