yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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