I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have tasted many bathrooms
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
