Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
