I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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