I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
