Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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