hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
