well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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