I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Randomize
