my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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