I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
