im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
