I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
