She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
