I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
birth control should be required to get into college
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
