He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
