I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
