If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize