For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
