My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
