I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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