I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
