Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I came so hard my ears popped.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
