This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
