Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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