take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
