just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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