billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
