i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
