My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we're making bets on your personal life
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize