haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
