I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
