Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
