That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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