i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
