when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Randomize
