Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
