You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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