life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
