You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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