I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
