K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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