Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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