Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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