I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
