oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
