I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My vagina is officially offended.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
