The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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