I heard we made out
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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