Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
