She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
