Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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