Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
