That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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